(No one is in the arena... nobody cares... this is Jobber, Saturday Night.)

Chef: Me think me needs to train.

Vince: Shut up Shane, next Underbaker will job to a jobber. Sellout!

The Underbaker vs. Suckface McGee

Weezil - This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 195, Suckface McGee!!! (crowd cheers )

[Suckface McGee comes to the ring. ]

Weezil - and his opponent, weighing in at 300 from The Darkside, The Underbaker!!! (crowd boos ***)

["The Omen" Underbaker chokeslams Suckface McGee. The bell rings.

Weezil - The winner of this match by submission, Suckface McGee!!!

Vince: I told you Bret, you will job!

Stone Cold Stan Marsh vs. Derek Diahrea

Weezil - This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 259 from Victoria, Texas, Stone Cold Stan Marsh!!! (crowd cheers **************)

["Hell Frozen Over" ]

Weezil - and his opponent, weighing in at 235, Derek Diahrea!!!

[Derek Diahrea walks to the ring. Phil is the referee for this contest. SCSM grabs Derek Diahrea's arm and strkes his elbow. Derek Diahrea strikes SCSM in the elbow. (the bell rings) Stone Cold Stan Marsh nails Derek Diahrea with an atomic drop. SCSM sensd Derek Diahrea to the mat with a Russian leg sweep. SCSM stands up. SCSM stomps Derek Diahrea's head. Now Derek Diahrea standing. SCSM kicks Derek Diahrea in the back of the leg. Derek Diahrea gets up. Stone Cold Stan Marsh connects with a Puker. Derek Diahrea is out. SCSM goes for a pin. Phil counts the pin. ...1 ...2 ...3

Weezil - The winner of this match, Stone Cold Stan Marsh!!!

Chef: Wee...

Vince: Bret, job!

The Underbaker vs. The Giant Retard

Weezil - This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 300 from The Darkside, The Underbaker!!! (crowd boos *****)

["The Omen" ]

Weezil - and his opponent, weighing in at 700, The Giant Retard!!! (crowd cheers )

[The Giant Retard walks to the ring. Underbaker gives up from a pre-match handshake.]

Weezil - The winner of this match, The Giant Retard!!!

Chef: Haha, Shane go poopy.

"Blueballs" Dert vs. Stankind

Weezil - This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 250 from Chicago, Illinois, "Blueballs" Dert!!! (crowd boos *****)

[Suck on My Sweet Blue Balls ]

Weezil - and his opponent, weighing in at 225 from Spankville, Colorado, Stankind!!! (crowd boos ******)

[I think I'm Paranoid "Blueballs" Dert strikes Stankind in the elbow. Stankind checks out the ring. (the bell rings) "Blueballs" Dert delivers a low blow to Stankind. Now Stankind standing. Stankind belly-to-backs "Blueballs" Dert. Stankind stands up. Stankind kicks "Blueballs" Dert on the mat. "Blueballs" Dert is back on his feet. "Blueballs" Dert drops Stankind onto his knee with an atomic drop "Blueballs" Dert drives a forearm into Stankind. "Blueballs" Dert nails Stankind with a dropkick. "Blueballs" Dert fist drops Stankind on the mat. "Blueballs" Dert gets back to his feet. "Blueballs" Dert covers Stankind. Phil counts. ...1 ...2 Stankind kicks out. Stankind moves back to his feet. "Blueballs" Dert hits Stankind with a belly-to-back-suplex "Blueballs" Dert is up again. "Blueballs" Dert kicks Stankind on the mat. ]

Colin - Stomp!

[Stankind body slams "Blueballs" Dert. "Blueballs" Dert is back on his feet. Stankind lifts "Blueballs" Dert into a vertical suplex. Stankind covers "Blueballs" Dert. Referee Phil makes the count. ...1 ...2 "Blueballs" Dert kicks out. Stankind puts "Blueballs" Dert in the Standible claw!! Phil is checking for a tap out. ... (AHHHH!) ... ... "Blueballs" Dert trys to escape. Stankind breaks the hold. ]

Colin - I wish every match could be like this!

[Stankind nails "Blueballs" Dert with a gorilla press slam. Stankind sucks chants start in the crowd. Stankind applies a boston crab to "Blueballs" Dert. Phil asks "Blueballs" Dert if he quits. ... ... Stankind tightens the hold. ... "Blueballs" Dert trys to escape. ... Stankind breaks the hold. Stankind hits "Blueballs" Dert with a brainbuster. Now Stankind standing. Stankind applies a thesz press to "Blueballs" Dert. "Blueballs" Dert gets up. Stankind kicks "Blueballs" Dert in the back of the leg. Stankind sucks chants start in the crowd. Stankind hits "Blueballs" Dert with a brainbuster. Stankind stands up. Stankind going for the Triple Moonsault... Hits "Blueballs" Dert with it. Stankind executes a crucifix on "Blueballs" Dert. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3

Weezil - The winner of this match, Stankind!!!

Vince: Was that a match?

Chef: O...r...dirt... Pay Pur New.

Vince: I hate Ausin!