SPCW STARKS POND THURSDAY

[The Pyro goes off as the camera pans around the stadium in Little Rock, AK and "Nookie" plays.]
Cujo-Welcome, everyone to STARKS POND THURSDAY! I'm Cujo and next to me is of course EVERYONE's favorite owner/rock advocate, DEMONSPAWN!
Demonspawn-Yeah, and let me just start things off by saying that Nookie was NOT my choice in music and if it was up to ME, you'd all be listening to AC/DC right now!
Cujo-I gotta admit, I'm no big Limp Bizkit fan....I'm more of a Master P kinda guy myself......[both chuckle politely]..ahh..wow...Rap SUCKS...
Demonspawn-It sure does, Cujo...it SURE DOES....

Stunk vs. Kenny Mysterio Jr.

"Hail Mary" by Makaveli hits and Kenny Mysterio walks out from behind thr curtain to a mixed reaction. Big Flexy comes out behind him raisin tha roof. KMJ runs down to the ring and slides in. He hops up to the second turnbuckle and tries to work the crowd. An eerie beat picks up over the PA system as Stunk walks out, bat in hand, the crowd erupts in boos as he points the bat at all of them. Stunk hops over the top rope and points the bat at KMJ. Big Flexy glances nervously at Stunk from the outside. Stunk tosses the bat aside and removes his trenchcoat. [ding, ding, ding!] KMJ charges at Stunk and Stunk swings around with a right lariat that KMJ ducks! KMJ hops up onto Stunk's shoulders...Victory Roll....kick out before the one count! Stunk hops back to his feet and clotheslines KMJ as he rises up. Stunk into the ropes...and he drops a big elbow on the chest of KMJ! Stunk brings KMJ back to his feet...he whips him into the ropes...a dropkick sends him down! Stunk stomping away on KMJ! Stunk bringing KMJ back to his feet..Stunk goes for a suplex but KMJ slides out of it and hooks Stunk in a german suplex.....1.....kick out by Stunk! Stunk's back on his feet..KMJ crouches and then pounces with a standing dropkick, sending Stunk back into the ropes...Stunk off the ropes...KMJ WITH A SPINNING HEAD SCISSOR TAKEDOWN! KMJ grabs the fallen Stunk's arm and locks him in an arm bar....Stunk is desperately trying to escape but he's not making any headway towards the ropes. KMJ releases the hold and brings Stunk to his feet..KMJ with an arm wrench and an elbow to the arm for good measure. Stunk goes down to one knee, cradling his arm. KMJ from behind...he grabs Stunk...INVERTED SUPLEX! KMJ is CLEANING HOUSE! KMJ heads up to the top rope...450 FLIP! KMJ hooks the leg.....1.....2....Stunk BARELY kicks out! KMJ brings Stunk to his feet and whips him into the turnbuckle. KMJ charges at the turnbuckle and Stunk ducks under a splash! KMJ is dazed and trying to shake it off..Stunk bends the rules a little with a LOW BLOW! KMJ doubles over! Stunk hops up to his feet...DDT! KMJ is OUT like a light! Stunk brings KMJ to his feet and HEAVES him into the turnbuckle...Stunk charges.....STUNKER SPLASH! Ouch! KMJ crumples to the floor! Stunk brings KMJ to his feet...he sets him up...and DRILLS him with a piledriver...Stunk makes the cover....1.....2...KMJ BARELY gets the shoulder up! Stunk picks up KMJ and whips him into the ropes...Stunk bends over for a back body drop...SUNSET FLIP by KMJ.....1.....2....Stunk kicks KMJ in the face just in time! KMJ picks up Stunk and whips him into the ropes...he leaps up for a hurricanrana and Stunk POWERBOMBS him! Stunk lets out a "Whoo!" and brings KMJ to his feet...he grabs KMJ from behind....POOFY DEATHDROP! It's OVER! Stunk hooks the leg....1.....2......3!!!! Phil calls for the bell!
Winner: Stunk via Poofy Deathdrop at 8 minutes and 3 seconds

Cujo-Wow! What a high-flying match! Stunk could get a TV title shot after THAT match, what do you say DS?
Demonspawn-I dunno..Stunk's pretty good but I think both of these guys up next would do pretty well....heh...well..assuming that they don't blow their big shot...and CHOKE....
Cujo-Blueballs against Staz...NEXT!

Blueballs Dert vs. Staz

Blueballs' music hits up and he steps out through the man-made smoke and poses for the crowd. They boo like crazy and he sneers at them. He walks slowly down the aisle and steps through the ring ropes. The lights glow blue and Blueballs shows off a few kicks. You can hear Demonspawn yelling, "CHOOOOOOKEEEE!" in the background as a distraction. [SURVIVE....IF I LET YOU!] Staz's music blares over the loudspeaker and Staz walks out to a mixed reaction. Staz raises his arms above his head and slides into the ring. Blueballs stomps away on Staz before he can even get off of the ground. [ding, ding, ding!] Blueballs with repeated kicks to the ribs of Staz! Blueballs brings Staz to his feet and drags him over to the turnbuckle and SLAMS his head into it! Blueballs grabs Staz and whips him into the turnbuckle. Blueballs sets up but Staz ducks under a savat kick! Staz pops back up and locks it up with Blueballs! Staz hooks Blueballs..snap suplex! Staz brings Blueballs to his feet and hits him with a BIG BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Staz hooks the leg....1...kick out! Staz drags Blueballs to his feet and sets him up..he picks him up for a powerbomb but Blueballs with an AMAZING hurricanrana sends Staz sprawling across the mat! Staz stumbles to his feet and props himself up in the corner. Blueballs moves in with repeated kicks to the midsection and a front snap kick to the face. Blueballs grabs Staz and hops up to the top rope...TORNADO DDT...REVERSED..Sidewalk Slam by Staz, planting Blueballs! Staz brings Blueballs to his feet and Blueballs lashes out with a last-ditch-effort kick but Staz grabs his leg...DRAGON CORKSCREW TAKEDOWN! Blueballs goes flying and hits HARD, grasping his knee! Staz moves into position and locks Blueballs in a figure 4 leglock! Bluballs slams his fists into the mat screaming in pain, desperately trying to roll over...and HE MAKES IT! Blueballs has reversed the leglock on Staz! Staz claws his way over to the ropes and forces Blueballs to release the hold but not before some damage was done. Blueballs limps over to the corner and Staz pulls himself up with help from the ropes. Blueballs and Staz circle each other..Staz and Blueballs lock it up...Staz swivels around to the back of Blueballs...he locks him into a full nelson...Staz with a...FULL NELSON SUPLEX! Blueballs landed RIGHT on the back of his neck! Let's hope he survived that! Staz brings Blueballs to his feet and grabs him from behind...GERMAN SUPLEX...and ANOTHER...and...ANOTHER...and...ANOTHER...and ANOTHER WITH A BRIDGE! WOW! Phil slides in for the count....1.....2....he BARELY kicks out! Staz brings Blueballs to his feet and whips him into the turnbuckle but Blueballs reverses and sends him flying into the turnbuckle. Blueballs limps over to a weakend Staz and sets him up for a DDT...REVERSAL...NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX...Phil slides in.....1......2.....3!!!! Chalk that up as one HELL of a match for the newcomer Staz!
Winner: Staz via pinfall at 13 minutes and 45 seconds

Demonspawn-I must say....that was impressive for a guy named after a sexual problem and an UPC Reject....
Cujo-Well I think that Staz will go far in SPCW...
Demonspawn-Yeah...far, FAR away, let's hope..and MAN..his ENTRANCE music...god...it makes me want to commit ritual suicide...
Cujo-Speaking of things that make you want to commit ritual suicide...Big Poppa Roid Pumpa, after a recent FACE turn, will take on Poofywood Hogan...who was JUST drafted into our rookie program.

Big Poppa Roid Pumpa vs. Poofywood Hogan

[Poofywood Hogan, brother...4 LIFE!] The heavy guitar riffs of "Voodoo Child" hit up over the PA system and the crowd boos. Poofywood Hogan steps out from behind the curtain strumming along on an air guitar. He steps through the ropes and grins and flexes for the camera. [I Love It When You Call Me Big POP-PA!] "Nann Nigga" hits up and Big Poppa Pump steps out from behind the curtain. The audience gives a mixed reaction as his kisses his biscep and charges into the ring. BPRP slides into the ring and begins wailing away on Poofywood! [ding, ding, ding!] Poofywood and BPRP are slugging in out..Big Poppa over powers him and sends him into the corner with an Irish whip! BPRP charges and FLATTENS him with a splash! BPRP hooks Poofywood under the arms...BELLY TO BELLY! Big Poppa with an early cover...1.....2....kick out! Wow...we could have had a 2 second win right there! Big Poppa brings Poofywood to his feet and whips him into the ropes...BPRP lifts the knee and sends Poofywood onto his back! BPRP grabs Poofywood's legs and goes for a Boston Crab but receives a boot to the face instead! BPRP stumbles backwards and Poofywood makes his way to his feet. Poofywood with and eye gouge on BPRP! Hogan grabs BPRP's head and SLAMS it into the turnbuckle! Poofywood brings BPRP to the ropes and runs his eye along the ropes! Ouch! Poofywood picks up BPRP..body slam. Hogan heads into the ropes...and drops the elbow on the throat of BPRP! Poofywood now going down with the BLATANT choke! Phil counts him....1....2.....3....4.....5...Poofywood lets go! Poofywood makes his way to his feet and works the crowd a little, flexing and laughing. Poofywood putting the boot to BPRP as he rises up onto a knee. Poofywood grabs him....PILEDRIVER! Poofywood covers with one foot....1....kick out! BPRP is still in it! BPRP is back on his feet..Hogan with the chop to the chest of BPRP! Big Poppa shakes it off and is shaking madly! Hogan with ANOTHER knife edged chop...Big Poppa shakes it off and begins to move towards Hogan! Uh-oh! Looks like Big Poppa is HULKING UP! Hogan with another chop..shaken off! Wow! Hogan with a right hand..blocked...countered with a left hand by BPRP! Big Poppa grabs Hogan...DDT! BPRP brings Poofywood to his feet....whip into the ropes...CLOTHESLINE! Big Poppa brings Hogan back to his feet...the fans are cheering like crazy...Big Poppa sends him into the ropes...BIG BOOT! Hogan's DOWN! Big Poppa into the ropes....annnnnd..HE DROPS THE LEG! BIG LEG DROP ON HOGAN! Big Poppa covers.....1.......2.....3!!!!!! Phil calls for the bell and the crowd is going insane!
Winner: Big Poppa Roid Pumpa via Big Leg Drop at 11 minutes and 29 seconds

Demonspawn-And THAT would be why he's STILL in our rookie program...
Cujo-Yeah...ouch..tough first match for Poofywood Hogan..looks like DS is getting geared up for his match up next. Hey...looks like it's a Rap vs. Rock match...Cryson and DS take on SCSM and Stan Hall ONLY in SPCW....

SCSM/Stan Hall vs. Mike Cryson/Demonspawn

[OHHHHH HELLL YEAH!!!!] "Dogz 4 Life" hits and SCSM and Stan Hall walk out to a huge pop. SCSM raises his hands in the air and shakes his head around and slides into the ring. He goes from turnbuckle to turnbuckle flipping off the crowd. As Stan Hall gives some hand signs in the center of the ring. [Welcome To The JUNGLE...We Got Fun And Games...] Demonspawn and Mike Cryson walk out and the crowd erupts in boos for this DEADLY duo. They smirk and raise their hands. Cryson throws a few punches into the air and Demonspawn looks ready. [...We got everything you want...as long as you know the-the-the-the--zzcschhschhzhshchshchhhhhhhhhh] DS's music gets fuzzy and then cuts off. Demonspawn and Cryson whirl around. [....shhhhhh....UNNNNNH! Na-nanana! Make 'em say UNNNNNH! (Unnnnh!) Na-nanana! (Nananana!)] Suddenly, from the back Poofdust and The Kinda Limited Soldiers pour out screaming out their warcry of "Hootie Hoo" as they begin to encircle Demonspawn and Cryson. The Kinda Limited Soliders are all draped out in their "cammoflauge" (put in parenthesis because it won't f---ing HIDE you unless you're hiding amongst a bunch of cows). They continue to cirlcle them as Poofdust takes the mic from Demonspawn....
"There will be NO MORE ROCK in SPCW! Rock is.....uh...a....um...CROCK! Yeah! Rock's a Crock! So let this be a warning to ALL SPCW wrestlers..if we hear ANY rockers...Hendrix...Guns N Roses...The Doors....Led Zepplin...ANYONE! We'll be back down here...and don't think that Nathan Lane filled up Viscera...we out....[all the soldiers together: BOYEEEEEEEE!]....HOOTIE HOO!"
Poofdust's war call is met by many similar ones in response and the Soldiers fly off to the back. Demonspawn gives Cryson a look and then they both fly to the back, in pursuit of The Soldiers!
Winner: No Contest

Demonspawn-Damn degenerates...probably all hopped up on drugs..and drinking 100 Proof....think they're so great with their baggy pants and beepers...Rock will ALWAYS live and RAP CAN KISS MY ASS! What the hell does Hootie Hoo mean anyway?
Cujo-I think it's the call of the woodland owl...well...anyhoo (no pun intended)...up next, we have an 8 man rumble for the Light-Heavyweight belt...Stan Jericho makes his return in this one.
Demonspawn-Ah yes..I remember those days fondly, of screwing Jericho out of that belt, time and time again...ahhhhh..memories...

8 Man (and woman) Light-Heavyweight Title Rumble :
Stan Jericho
Eddie Garrisonero
Va-Chyna
Kyle-Pac
Kennytian
Kenny Shamrock
Jeff Hanky
Kenny Mysterio Jr.

{Sorry for not providing FULL DETAILED results but I'm running on a deadline here so let THIS suffice. On a side note, you may be eliminated by Pinfall, Submission or being thrown over the top rope.}

Va-Chyna was eliminated by Jeff Hanky with a savat kick at 5:34
Kenny Shamrock was eliminated by Stan Jericho via submission to the Pukeytamer at 10:47
Jeff Hanky was eliminated by Kennytian when HBK came down to ringside and distracted him, Kenntian flipped him out from behind at 13:12
Kenny Mysterio Jr. was eliminated by Eddie Garrisonero by pinfall after a brainbuster at 17:51
Kennytian was eliminated by pinfall Kyle-Pac after a flying legdrop at 20:01
Stan Jericho was eliminated by Kyle-Pac with a dropkick when The Cooperation (all...4 of them) came down to the ring and pulled down the rope so he was flipped out at 23:35
Kyle-Pac was eliminated by Eddie Garrisonero after getting his own cocaine thrown into his eyes and being clotheslined out at 24:59

Winner and NEW SPCW LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: EDDIE GARRISONERO, leader of the Fabulous Freecocks!

Demonspawn-WHAT could the Cooperation want with Stan Jericho?
Cujo-Your guess is as good as mine, DS...and how about Guerrero turning on Kyle-Pac ?
Demonspawn-Well, I don't really care about Kyle-Pac but it KILLS me to see good drugs WASTED like that!
Cujo-Don't we ALL? Well, next up...Droz defends his newly won title against apparently, his good friend...STEDGE!

Television Title Match:
Kyle Drozdov vs. Stedge

[The Roof...the roof...the roof is on fire...] "Fire Water Burn" hits as Stedge walks out. The lights dim to red and begin to strobe. Stedge runs into the ring and crawls around flicking out his tongue. [KICK IT!] "Prisioner Of Society" kicks up and Droz walks out wearing a nice DKNY gown and a big cat in the hat hat. Stanbert and Mad USA follow closely behind. Droz slides into the ring but all of a sudden the ring begins to shake and calls of "Hootie Hoo!" can be heard. Droz rolls his eyes and Stedge groans and leans on the turnbuckle. Poofdust and the Kinda Limited Soldiers slide out from under the ring wielding guitars. Poofdust is back on the mic....
"First off, Droz, you cracker, punk rock SUCKS and is a MAJOR offense...so I'm afraid Master T is gonna have to beat you down, foo'. But Stedge....ohhhhh Stedge...you're the worst of them all..WHITE RAP...it's a disgrace! Those white people have been oppressin us TOO long and now they're stealin' our MUSIC!?"
Master T and Swell look at Poofdust funny....
"So issonnow BOYEEEE!"
The Soldiers charge the ring swinging the guitars wildly and smashing them on the ring but Stedge and Droz slide out of the ring before any damage can be done. They give a few crotch chops to the soldiers and back out of the arena. But WAIT! SCSM runs down from the entrance way and spins around Droz...STONE COLD PUKER! And one for Stedge...PUKER! SCSM smirks and gives the "Westside" hand signal and walks to the back.
Winner: No Contest

Demonspawn-Damn those damn dirty apes...they've struck again! When will their reign of terror END?
Cujo-We can only pray.....
Demonspawn-Damn you....damn you all to HELL...I'll HAVE my REVENGE!
Cujo-Settle down there, DS....you might have another heart attack...I don't think you can afford another one after the last one you suffered during the strike...
Demonspawn-[pouring himself a shot of something] Damn unions....
Cujo-NEXT UP- THE MAIN EVENT! HBK gets ANOTHER SHOT at being on TOP OF THE WORLD...or at least the Western Hemisphere, when he takes on....JEFF HANKY!


Western Hemisphere Title Match:
Jeff Hanky vs. HBK Stan Michaels

No music starts up as Jeff Hanky quietly tip toes past the KLS, who are standing guard at the top of the ramp waiting for some rock music to come on. Hanky slides into the ring and pounds his fists together a little and then shows off his belt and laughs. [Ohhh! Ohhhh! Ohhh! Stan!] HBK's music kicks up and he dances down the aisle past the KLS. Master T swings a big right hand and nails HBK in the gut. Once Michaels regains his breath you can hear him yell, "What's the big idea? This isn't rock!" Poofdust nods and responds, "Yeah, I know...it's not because it's rock...it's that...well...you suck....." HBK mutters and shoots Poofdust a pissed glance but then sees Hanky and FLIES down to the ring. HBK slides into the ring and they start pounding away on each other! [ding, ding, ding!] HBK and Hanky are rolling around on the ground pounding away at each other! Hanky makes the first move with a monkey flip, sending HBK onto his back! HBK begins to get up as Hanky flies into the ropes and connects with a running dropkick, sending HBK back down on his back! Hanky brings HBK to his feet and whips him into the ropes..Hanky catches HBK and hits him with a TILT O WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Jeff Hanky moves to the legs of HBK and sets him up...Hanky has him hooked and rolls backwards....SURFBOARD SUBMISSION! Wow! What an amazing move! HBK is screaming in pain as Hanky tightens the hold. HBK tries to get some forward momentum...and TUMBLES out of the submission hold. Hanky brings HBK to his feet and gets him with and arm wrench and then NAILS him with an elbow, sending HBK down to one knee. Hanky gets him in a side headlock and charges...BULLDOG! Hanky rolls him over....1.....2....HBK BARELY gets the shoulder up! HBK is taking QUITE a beating! Hanky brings HBK to his feet and sets him up for a suplex...BLOCKED by HBK and countered with a suplex of his own! Hanky hits hard and both men are laid out! That took a lot out of HBK! HBK pulls himself to his feet and so does Hanky. HBK connects with a savat kick to the gut of Hanky, doubling him over and he follows up with an axe kick to the back of his head! Hanky goes DOWN! HBK brings Hanky to his feet and whips him into the turnbuckle. HBK climbs up and calls for the 10 Punch........1......2.....3....4.....5....6....7....8....9..............10! HBK tosses Hanky out of the turnbuckle and he goes down hard! HBK moves over the back of Hanky...HBK locks Hanky in a reclining Camel Clutch! Hanky doesn't look like he can take it! HBK is NOT letting go! Hanky gets his hands up and pulls on the hair of HBK...Hanky jerks the hair of HBK, sending him off of Hanky! HBK collects himself and moves back over to Hanky, stomping away on his lower back! HBK brings Hanky to his feet. HBK whips Hanky into the ropes...HBK goes for a grab move but Hanky reverses...SINGLE ARM DDT! HBK is OUT COLD! Hanky moves up top...SHOOTING STAR PRESS! He hooks the leg....1....looks like The Prood is coming out to ringside....2....Kennytian reaches into the ring and yanks Hanky off of HBK! Phil didn't see it! HBK is groggy but is pulling himself up. Hanky stares out at Kennytian and begins to yell at The Prood. They just stand there laughing. HBK is back on his feet...Hanky turns aroung...SPINNING HEEL KICK right to the face of Hanky! Hanky hits hard and might have a broken nose! HBK brings Hanky to his feet..DOUBLE ARM DDT! HBK crouches in the corner...he's stomping his foot as some of the fans begin to cheer, others boo..Hanky stumbles back to his feet...CHEESYPOOF CHIN MUSIC! It's OVER! HBK collapses onto Hanky......1.......2.......3!!!!!! Phil rings the bell and grabs the title and hands it to HBK. HBK grabs the belt, kisses it and then passes out!
Winner and NEW WESTERN HEMISPHERE CHAMPION: HBK Stan Michaels via Cheesypoof Chin Music at 17 minutes and 10 seconds

Cujo-The Prood strike again! Maybe Hanky can find an ally in Kyle Snow! Looks like DS had a LITTLE too much to drink tonight...so this is Cujo signing off for Demonspawn...and don't forget to order FULLY BLOATED...THIS SUNDAY....
Demonspawn-{from below the announce table} oNlY oN pAy PeR vIeW.....{passes out again}.....

Copyright 1999
SPCW Entertainment